I still had no girlfriend, nor did the idea of one excite me any longer. A good date had become a quick meal followed by an evening spent poring over my growing collection of pornography. I didn't limit myself to any particular kink, enjoying instead a smorgasbord of smut. Incest stories, bondage, lesbian, water sports, all held a particular place in my heart.Knowing I had to hide this from the school and community, I did everything I could to uphold my image as an upstanding teacher and mentor. Still, it came as a shock when the principal stuck her head in my classroom that sunny fall afternoon."Got a minute to talk?" It was not so much a request as a command. I shuddered, afraid I knew what this was about, but followed her to the office, imagining myself a little child trudging toward detention."I got a call from an upset parent over the weekend," she began, a grim look on her face. I knew then my teaching days were over. Every year I hosted a Halloween party at my home, inviting. We buried her daddy a little over a year ago from dementia then a few months later I go down and my future is uncertain thus her future is uncertain. Yay, her!I’m expecting something that her life experience has never prepared her for. She’s terrified and doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going. She’s doing the best she can with what she has. For decades I have defined love as commitment partially because I realize that feelings change, partially because I understand commitment, and last but not least I don’t understand emotions well. Compassion is an emotion that may be the force behind a commitment but it is not a commitment itself. What if she doesn’t have it in her to keep her commitment to me no matter how hard she tries?There was a time when I once hunted a person the same way a hunter hunts a deer with the exact intention the hunter had for the deer because that person broke a commitment that made me lose face in front of the wrong people. Would that be the correct.
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